At the book fair: ambiguities of’mental health’ in Taiwan

It was a cloudy Sunday. I still felt overwhelmed with all the things going on in the field: getting in contact with new informants, arranging interviews with research participants, and catching up with family members and old friends. In the meantime, I have to maintain necessary correspondence with a few people in the UK, which is much more enjoyable than spending hours getting expenses claimed and reclaimed. And I must not forget to write that weekly check-in email to my line manager, in just one sentence, literally without saying anything at all. How lovely.

I sometimes forget which time zone I am living in—probably both. Having people in two places whom I love, feel for, and at times worry about stretches my body and mind in a strange way. However, having many lines of flight as sources of comfort and assurance from afar is certainly helpful when things get challenging, and sometimes, out of hand, here in Taipei. Or vice versa.
Well, that is all beside the point for today’s highlight: a book salon that introduced a translation of a series of books from Oxford University Press, ‘A Very Short Introductions,’ on selected issues—love, depression, anxiety, superstition, pain—into Traditional Chinese for Taiwanese readers at a major book fair in Taipei.
 
Everyone surely loves the name of Oxford, I thought to myself. In my view, the two books on depression and anxiety are highly informative for the general public – they got every discipline covered, from behavioural psychology to neurobiology – and even critically addressed the contested natures of depression and anxiety. I hope the latter does not get lost in the translation. Without doubt, they are good choices for the Taiwanese readers. Absolutely undebatable. But I prefer my recent read: ‘Mad world: the politics of mental health’, which grounds mental health in its very own complexity, diversity, and ambiguity.

But I quickly found myself amused when the speaker, a psychiatrist, at the book salon broke the opening by saying, ‘Oh, and today we are only going to focus on the two books “Depression” and “Anxiety,” despite others, like “Love”.’ Then, he quickly highlighted that ‘all authors of the two books have medical training,’ as if this immediately grants legitimacy to whatever knowledge these books claim about mental health issues. In Taiwan, any scientific knowledge gains an incontestable status of objectivity. Just like God’s view. And that was his way of setting the mood for the audience. It certainly feels very Taiwanese.

What I liked most about his talk was how he captured the layers of ambiguity surrounding mental health in Taiwan, particularly in terms of its terminologies, diagnoses, and solutions. 
 
On the one hand, he is certain about mental health being diagnosed and getting treated according to psychiatric categorisations and medications. That is what he was trained for.
That was the moment when he went on briefly talking about things happening in the medicalisation of mental health in Taipei. Experts (policy-makers, vendors and psychiatrists) came together to celebrate the new invention and spread-out of a medication – Prozac – since the 1990s by taking serious mental health issues in Taiwan.
 
(And because now we’ve got an elixir. Problems solved. I thought to myself.)

On the other hand, he is uncertain whether his prescription or ‘professional’ judgement is the best way to solve mental health issues such as depression and anxiety for such issues are social ones.
 
At some points, he turned to talk about how much he does not think an expert like himself as a psychiatrist knows exactly how to treat mental health. There is not a ‘correct’ answer to all things mental health. Mental health should not be thought of as an issue for experts like him. Prozac, rest, counselling, resignation of work or removal from ‘stressed’ relationships or environments. Some works on some but not others. 
 
Even naming the diagnosis itself is highly contested. While few highly educated (young) patients accept and prefer to be diagnosed with the ‘western’ terminologies such depression, anxiety and bipolar; many prefers the socially more acceptable ones: hormonal or autonomic imbalance, which sound both ‘professional’ enough (there are some problematic neuroses being identified and will be treated) and ‘neutral’ (for you are not actually ‘mad’ and won’t be socially stigmatised).

At this point, he was honest about himself feeling ‘helpless’ in the face of his patients, with all sorts of mental health conditions, with different expectations of him.
Some of his patients do not like to go to see him. They can hardly describe their ‘conditions’. They can hardly speak.

Some are wanting an affirmative and immediate solution from him because they don’t feel well. They are overwhelmed by strange bodily pains and physical weakness. They fear not knowing what to do with their conditions. They want to get well immediately.

“‘But how long do I have to wait before I get well, doctor?’
‘How can I get better? How can I alleviate all the pain in my body?’
‘Will I stay well forever once I feel better?’
‘Is this well enough?’

At this point, I couldn’t help but think how terrifying it must be for an expert to be questioned by 30-50 random individuals each day, all trying to meet their ‘unsolvable’ expectations. At the same time, it was clear that he grounds mental health issues in ambiguity, navigating between his medical authority and personal despondency. It was as if the talk itself mirrored a labyrinth, reflecting his frustration over treating patients with mental health problems.
 
However, I thought such ambiguities also conveniently obscured the power relationship between experts as authorities and patients as powerless within Taiwanese society.

At the end of the talk, the editor talked about something more positive. She was certainly a very clever woman. She talked about how being diagnosed with the certainty under the medical terms could become the source for building a strong identity amongst those who have the same illnesses. Indeed, being certain about one’s illness can be very positive.

But what took me by surprise was when a middle-aged woman raised her hand and spoke about her experience of PTSD and depression with absolute confidence: “I had a few counselling experiences, but I didn’t like them. What I realised is that you can only depend on your strength. You must cut yourself from all the thoughts and environments that have oppressed you. I do not think it is a disease but we all have a tendency to be ‘lazy’….but what do you think is the best solution for mental health, Doctor?

I thought that was an interesting question and statement. Especially her use of the words ‘laziness’ and ‘the best solution’. I suppose what she meant by ‘laziness’ was not to immerse yourself within the negative thoughts and experiences of the past, present and future. Or simply to be possessed. Sometimes we cannot control what we feel and do especially at the moment of weakness. I thought of a passage in which Deleuze interprets Spinoza’s ethics: we do not know what our mind and body is capable of doing…

For that woman, judging from the look of her which is full of life and light, I believe, already found the answer to her ‘problems’. She already pointed out the ‘answer lies in oneself’ but however, in a society like Taiwan where doctors hold a large degree of authority, she obviously, by social conventions, has to seek reaffirmation from that particular source of authority.
We have all been told to be obedient, to be polite, to be respectful of those deemed as experts. I really cannot agree with Confucius. To be validated is part of believing one’s illness will be cured completely.

But whose words and experiences matter when it comes to mental health issues? The doctor does not seem to agree with what that woman said: the workings of oneself is the key to her salvation. I sensed a subtle tension between the two. But what should we do when what we feel is right differs from what doctors or other experts tell us is right? Do we all have the courage to follow our hearts like Jane Eyre, who stood up for herself in the face of violence, whether it was disguised as divine will, expert opinion, or respect for family or gender hierarchy?
Posted by yushan

The self, liminal space and transpersonal encounters through experimental music  

I have been doing fieldwork in Taipei for about two weeks. All things are still in progress.

Yesterday, after receiving a tip from an informant, I was able to attend what folks call ‘a mysterious concert’ performed by Vincent Moon and an ensemble of Taiwanese performers. I am still not quite sure which genre this concert fits into. I suppose it is something in between Jam and experimental music. Or should I say spiritual music?

The venue for Vincent’s performance was situated within one of the mountains surrounding and overlooking the Taipei basin. In the evening, I sat in the bus climbing up to the YangMing mountain, thinking about what to expect from this concert. To be honest, I thought of nothing apart from figuring out possible routes of getting home, if the concert goes over time. I had the feeling that this kind of concert always works in its own time, in its own world.

Following the instruction provided by the organiser, I managed to arrive at the door of a gallery, hidden at the end of a small alley with some littering scattering on the side. I could hear the unknown insects buzzing along the way. Oh well, I said to myself: I was really with nature.

The gallery was decorated in a rusty style. Earthy tones was found everywhere. The painting. The wall. The wooden furniture. The ceramic plates. The wooden floor covered with beige cushions. The dim lighting. The calm and comfortable milieu gave me a feeling that I was intruding someone’s home but at the same time knowing that I was not. Anyway, I gave my name to the host, a calm and friendly-looking woman who was trying to locate my name on the list of visitors. She said one of her staff has the same given name as me. OK. That was not very common.

After ordering a glass of Osmanthus sweet wine, I sat on the floor in the room, waiting for the performance. Not sure what to do. I certainly arrived early. I looked around and rested my eyes on the screen playing a video that only contained one scene of a moving object – I guessed it looked like a wheel –  with lighting in the darkness. I started to observe the compositions of the audience as people began to arrive. They all looked very young – younger than me – on the average age of 25. They all dressed in more or less the same style – organic and baggy clothing in earthy tones. Or some other clothing that one would wear in yoga practices. Comfortable but quite tight around your body.

Then Vincent appeared. He spoke to his team for today’s performance in English. I realised that he was French. Obviously. How could I not realise! Well, he looked like someone who lived in Tibet for a while. That was his vibe. He wore a red-brick coloured skirt or skort with his ankles visible in my view. There was a scarf embroidered with ethnic patterns wrapped around his neck. I forgot its colour. Probably something bright. They had a rehearsal for a bit – to prepare for the second part of the Jam performance. All performers had a very calm appearance. And solemn. Like someone who attends a funeral for someone who you don’t know quite well but to show your respect. Or like someone who just came out of months of meditation in the mountains. Simply undisturbed.

Then came the music. It was a combination of a video collage about Vincent’s journey in Taiwan and an improvised selection of music by Vincent as a DJ. I found it difficult to describe this kind of music. It was not electronic. Not classic. But experimental. A mixture of religious and electronic elements with some dialogues spoken in Chinese, passages of songs sung in Chinese, Taiwanese and Japanese. There were lights and rivers from the urban landscape piled up with other footage about a medium, a young girl singing and an Aboriginal man. I let myself go with the flow between music, video and the universe. I could feel his performance working at the level of the ‘heavenly heart’ as described in The Secret of the Golden Flower. The sound of the music dissolves your ego into all the worlds with ghosts, spirits and desires floating about and around. Otherworldly but simultaneously worldy. A coming-together of past and future at the moment of here and now.

The music stopped rather abruptly, leaving the audience in silence. Was it the end of the first performance? Yes, it was. Vincent went out to have some wine. I went to the loo. When I came back, I found Vincent back in the room and decided to ask him about his music.

“what did you want to summon with your music?”

He stared at me as if he did not get my question. And silence. I had no choice but to continue..

“was it a synchronicity? Was it an encounter with the spirits, the worlds, the events? What was it?

“its beyond words. People made their own meaning”

“Okay. Was it a transpersonal encounter?”

He laughed at my choice of wording and repeated it: “transpersonal encounter” with a little sparkle in his eyes. I supposed he thought that’s exactly the kind of fancy term used by people from academia. Then he mumbled something along the line that “ look, I had been through a lot in my life…“ and rushed to leave the room by cutting the sentence short, “I really had to go outside”

“Of course, you have another performance.” Said I. Now I felt really embarrassed about my questions.

He gave an apologetic smile and left. I looked at the name card that he slipped into my hand in the beginning of the conversation, right after I told him I was a UK-based researcher. It was written in French. I had it translated into English through my phone. It was about his ‘counselling’ service for all kinds of troubles. No offence but it gave me a bit of a scamming vibe. Especially when he said he can put a smile back on your face and solve all the problems you have in your life. Okay. I bet it is not cheap.

Then it came with the second part of the musical performance. It was a Jam performance. Again, there was a video that served as a cue for performers to guess when to turn in their performance in accordance with others. It was an improvised performance. Soon, as the music rolled out and filled the room, performers became part of the music; the music became part of them. The sounds went into my heavenly heart and made a little ripple there. They brought the world into my heart and placed my heart into the world. There was a boundary between the two; but it was porous for some kind of energies or spiritual exchange. So I didn’t lose myself in all this. I still had a few vague thoughts which I couldn’t remember what they were but my heart was made quiet as if it was surrounded by something larger than anything imaginable. But it was not trapped. The music indeed dissolved the boundary between the self and the world but I suppose it was up to oneself to decide what to do with the situation. It could go either way. To be haunted or liberated.

Not only towards the end of the performance did I realise that the sounds of the music might have the same yet varying effect on the performers. While some looked pretty much undistributed by staying close with their heavenly hearts, others looked as if they were lost in the liminal space. One of them looked into the eyes of the audience and implored: I want love.

Vincent wanted to go out again. He asked everyone to stay and go to the roof for some wine. I realised that was the moment for me to leave for I came there in the capacity as a researcher. I had made myself clear throughout.

Posted by yushan
Throwntogetherness

Throwntogetherness

As this blog centres around the theme of encounters, it makes sense for me to kick things off with a lighter, more personal perspective –– my recent experience with urban encounters during the national railway strike on September 1st.

Anticipating the railway strike for that day, I bought a bus ticket from Hammersmith to Southampton in advance. Well – I thought I had it all figured out, and I even made it to the bus stop around 14:30, a solid half-hour before the scheduled departure time. Little did I know, this marked the beginning of an intriguing episode in the world of urban encounters.

Posted by yushan